Mother is a Person too?!

One of my aunts dyed her hair and my cousin was rather displeased with it. “You don’t look like ‘Mom’ anymore”, was his complaint. When you become a ‘Mom’, do you stop being a person? At least in India, I believe that’s what you do. Perhaps it is different elsewhere – perhaps it isn’t; I have seen limited examples at this point.

Speaking for my demographic, I can safely say that mothers are pretty harshly judged for being un-mom-like. That includes – dressing a certain way, prioritizing work over family, prioritizing her social life over family. No, it doesn’t matter if she’s balancing it alright.

There’s a cute children’s joke that is often repeated and enjoyed:

A kid is asked what’s your Mother’s name?

And the kid replies: “Mom!”

It’s adorable when you’re a new Mom and reveling in that identity. But does this at some time become a case of the head that wears a crown? Nobody now remembers a time when you weren’t a Mom. Mothers all over assure me – that it’s never a problem, and maybe it isn’t. I’m not a mother – I do not know.

But I am a daughter. And I know where my perception of Mother falls short of treating her as a person.

I’ve never subscribed to the image of the ‘self-sacrificing’ Mom. No woman should do it and no child should expect it – is my firm opinion. But that said, motherhood – or more generally, parenthood – is not easy. And let’s face it – a thankless and all-consuming job. But Fathers get away better. Men deal with these things differently. Probably if something bothers a father-son duo, they grunt and walk away from it. And that’s that. Women are rather more exacting. Women are unforgiving. Every little girl aspires to be her Mother when she grows up. And when that little girl does become an adult and sees the clay feet of the idol she worships, she never forgives that woman for treason.

We are so used to see mothers as mothers, that the fact they could have personalities of their own is often a rude surprise. By that I do not mean the limited purview of Fashion and Social Life. Maybe Mom is talkative and that doesn’t sit well with your new friends. Do you change Mom? Do you change Friends? Do you accept that it will be the way it is? Is it terrible that this even bothers you? After all, Mom never questioned the way you turned out? She always thought and thinks you’re awesome! Best thing that happened to the world!

And what about being human? What about this God-like Mom persona eclipsing everything human about her? Maybe she’s a gossip… Maybe she’s too emotional (growing worse by the year) … Can I accept her human failings? Is she allowed that?

Maybe her life wasn’t all that she wanted. Just like me – she has some unfulfilled desires. Is she allowed to speak of that? Is she allowed to hold grudges? Do I have the patience for it in my many pursuits of the present?

Someday, if she is not strong enough to follow the lessons she taught me – can I see it as her second childhood? Can I indulge her? Take this one chance I have of pampering her?