Who is really on your side?

Before I begin, let me clarify – I am most definitely not in support of indiscriminate ‘feedback’ or brash outspokenness in the name of ‘Honesty’. I am a firm believer in 
"Satyam bruyat priyam bruyat, Na bruyat satyam apriyam;

Priyam ca nanrutam bruyat, Esha Dharmah sanatanah"

(Speak truth in such a way that it should be pleasing to others. Never speak truth, which is unpleasant to others. Never speak untruth, which might be pleasant. This is the path of eternal morality, sanatana dharma.) 

That said – it remains true that it takes wisdom to even interpret words and intentions correctly.

Have you seen Runaway Bride? If you have , do you recall the scene of the Luau, where all of Maggie’s friends make fun of her past ‘almost weddings’ and our friend Ike is the only one who stands by her. He rises and makes a sharp toast pointing her family’s unkindness; the audience is shamed, if only for a minute. And yet, Maggie loses her temper with Ike! Somehow, that isn’t surprising at all despite the obvious contradiction. It is odd that most people would gladly be at the receiving end of constant raillery and assume it to be in the spirit of ‘fun’. If instead, you tried to have a heart to heart with them and endeavored to make them see how they could keep from being a joke, they’d be much offended. Apparently, all the pointed jokes can be ignored because somehow they are not ‘real’. But in a sincere conversation, you’re making them see the ugly truth and urging them to do something about it. Nobody likes that! So, basically Richard Gere taking a stand in that scene made all of Maggie’s issues ‘real’.. because someone chose to see them and acknowledge them. Until that point she could just have laughed it off and assumed everyone forgot about it. I got thinking as I was recently Ike (though I’m sure I’ve been Maggie at some point).
Do you think you have been on either side?

The Intangibles

In my office, we had a couple of young folks join the Onsite team. These guys were ‘Enthu-cutlets’, as we call them in Pune. Plus, they were joining the ‘Onsite’ team, and if you are at all acquainted with the Indian IT industry, you will know what a big thing that is! They came over with a will to achieve and transform the project between the 2 of them! They were intelligent, but inexperienced – and started working unsustainable schedules. Being an Operations team, we always have something that needs to be done yesterday – so that worked well for me to meet the Team’s SLAs! However, we could see the dangers that lurked – burnout.. apathy.. I would often have 1:1 sessions with each of them and make them aware of things like ‘work-life balance; but to no avail. They were all set to do or die!

So, the long hours and working weekends continued. I could see the strain showing, but when asked to slow down, my trusty steeds would obstinately refuse. Until – something changed. One of the guys arranged for his wife to fly over and join him here. She arrived and things were never the same again! He was still sincere, still hard-working, but now, he realized the importance of ‘time-boxing’ his work. He knew he had someone waiting for him at home, and he needed to finish on time. He started organizing his meetings and his tasks much better. He ensured he was out of office by 5 latest. He started prioritizing which meetings were necessary and which questions could be answered on email. To my mind – he became a much more valuable and mature team member. To my mind – this was an actual ‘Productivity Boost’. But this was not something I achieved as a manager. This was something that was enabled by a completely intangible human factor – technically outside of my team. For this person - it was his family, as it is for most. I know of companies which leverage outside-hometown postings to drive longer work hours for employees. If you don’t have a family waiting at home, you would definitely continue to work.. at office or at home. After all, how many movies can you watch? Or Netflix? When you think of it, it is simple – but rather Machiavellian, I fear!

And then it made me wonder – what are the other intangibles that affect how a team / individual team members work? Tell me what comes to your mind!

Nothing to lose

A long while ago I wrote on chain reactions – wondering about how in the most busy times, we are usually at our best creativity. Please note I use the word ‘creativity’ and not ‘productivity’. :-) in a similar observation of the contrariness of how we function, I put to you – that we invest our best efforts at the initiation and end of every engagement. This thought does not spring from the logical assumption that we would naturally put our best foot forward at the initiation of a new project / relationship; neither does it stem from the guess that we end things well to leave a better aftertaste. More than anything, I feel at the initiation and culmination of things – we have nothing to lose!

Imagine this scenario – you have joined a brand new group for a social project. You arrive with no preset notions, because you are meeting a host of new people! In addition, you are uninhibited because there is no past performance you will be pitted against – this is a blank slate! Anyone who has had to bear the brunt of their own past success, will know this is not an easy weight to carry! It is almost easier to carry off failure – because again, nothing to lose! Sallying forth without an opinion on your part or your companions’, you are already prepared to give of your best. Think of all the picnics you had with friends of friends, the teams you joined as the only outsider… wasn’t it always more fun? Weren’t you almost always a completely different and more driven individual? If you’ve already accepted you can’t dance, you rule the floor just by moving the way your body likes! No performance pressure.

Similarly, when I move towards the end of any engagement, I find myself more eager to converse, more enthusiastic to share. And I feel certain, this is at least in part due to the fact that I lose the fear of messing up and living with it. All of a sudden I know – even if things don’t quite work out, we’re already moving towards the end. This is a completely upside-down way of thinking, but more often than not we function this way! I’ve lost count of how many friendships I’ve formed in the last few days of a course, project, vacay…

The fear of living up to an image is a great burden. We put it upon ourselves. If we could carry on with the same uninhibited way even after building a reputation for ourselves, perhaps we would be able to invest with the same frenzy throughout. If we could care more about who we are, than what we portray – we could fly free. If we could truly understand the transience of what we do, what it says about us, and how it fades – we could focus on the actual doing. Then again – easier said than done.

Pleasure is a Gift; Pain is a Treasure

Many have the power to gift you joy.

The power to cause pain is the privilege of few.

The Chosen.

Is it a wonder then -

That I prize it over everything you’ve ever given?

For something I will never use – it really is far too dear!

If it belonged to someone else in the past – even that is too much to bear!

Impossible to share.

Every pang of loss you feel for the dead, is a live stab in my heart.

The broken fragments of your past leave scratches on my being.

Ghosts may not be real; but they are evidence of what once lived.

I can exorcise the ghost, but who can wipe the lifetime?

Every living moment is shrouded by the memory of the dead.

For those who feel passion – every passion is exclusive.

It will always be all or nothing.

You may find this odd – unacceptable even.

But the sense of your longing incompletes my belonging.