The Intangibles

In my office, we had a couple of young folks join the Onsite team. These guys were ‘Enthu-cutlets’, as we call them in Pune. Plus, they were joining the ‘Onsite’ team, and if you are at all acquainted with the Indian IT industry, you will know what a big thing that is! They came over with a will to achieve and transform the project between the 2 of them! They were intelligent, but inexperienced – and started working unsustainable schedules. Being an Operations team, we always have something that needs to be done yesterday – so that worked well for me to meet the Team’s SLAs! However, we could see the dangers that lurked – burnout.. apathy.. I would often have 1:1 sessions with each of them and make them aware of things like ‘work-life balance; but to no avail. They were all set to do or die!

So, the long hours and working weekends continued. I could see the strain showing, but when asked to slow down, my trusty steeds would obstinately refuse. Until – something changed. One of the guys arranged for his wife to fly over and join him here. She arrived and things were never the same again! He was still sincere, still hard-working, but now, he realized the importance of ‘time-boxing’ his work. He knew he had someone waiting for him at home, and he needed to finish on time. He started organizing his meetings and his tasks much better. He ensured he was out of office by 5 latest. He started prioritizing which meetings were necessary and which questions could be answered on email. To my mind – he became a much more valuable and mature team member. To my mind – this was an actual ‘Productivity Boost’. But this was not something I achieved as a manager. This was something that was enabled by a completely intangible human factor – technically outside of my team. For this person - it was his family, as it is for most. I know of companies which leverage outside-hometown postings to drive longer work hours for employees. If you don’t have a family waiting at home, you would definitely continue to work.. at office or at home. After all, how many movies can you watch? Or Netflix? When you think of it, it is simple – but rather Machiavellian, I fear!

And then it made me wonder – what are the other intangibles that affect how a team / individual team members work? Tell me what comes to your mind!

Nothing to lose

A long while ago I wrote on chain reactions – wondering about how in the most busy times, we are usually at our best creativity. Please note I use the word ‘creativity’ and not ‘productivity’. :-) in a similar observation of the contrariness of how we function, I put to you – that we invest our best efforts at the initiation and end of every engagement. This thought does not spring from the logical assumption that we would naturally put our best foot forward at the initiation of a new project / relationship; neither does it stem from the guess that we end things well to leave a better aftertaste. More than anything, I feel at the initiation and culmination of things – we have nothing to lose!

Imagine this scenario – you have joined a brand new group for a social project. You arrive with no preset notions, because you are meeting a host of new people! In addition, you are uninhibited because there is no past performance you will be pitted against – this is a blank slate! Anyone who has had to bear the brunt of their own past success, will know this is not an easy weight to carry! It is almost easier to carry off failure – because again, nothing to lose! Sallying forth without an opinion on your part or your companions’, you are already prepared to give of your best. Think of all the picnics you had with friends of friends, the teams you joined as the only outsider… wasn’t it always more fun? Weren’t you almost always a completely different and more driven individual? If you’ve already accepted you can’t dance, you rule the floor just by moving the way your body likes! No performance pressure.

Similarly, when I move towards the end of any engagement, I find myself more eager to converse, more enthusiastic to share. And I feel certain, this is at least in part due to the fact that I lose the fear of messing up and living with it. All of a sudden I know – even if things don’t quite work out, we’re already moving towards the end. This is a completely upside-down way of thinking, but more often than not we function this way! I’ve lost count of how many friendships I’ve formed in the last few days of a course, project, vacay…

The fear of living up to an image is a great burden. We put it upon ourselves. If we could carry on with the same uninhibited way even after building a reputation for ourselves, perhaps we would be able to invest with the same frenzy throughout. If we could care more about who we are, than what we portray – we could fly free. If we could truly understand the transience of what we do, what it says about us, and how it fades – we could focus on the actual doing. Then again – easier said than done.

Pleasure is a Gift; Pain is a Treasure

Many have the power to gift you joy.

The power to cause pain is the privilege of few.

The Chosen.

Is it a wonder then -

That I prize it over everything you’ve ever given?

For something I will never use – it really is far too dear!

If it belonged to someone else in the past – even that is too much to bear!

Impossible to share.

Every pang of loss you feel for the dead, is a live stab in my heart.

The broken fragments of your past leave scratches on my being.

Ghosts may not be real; but they are evidence of what once lived.

I can exorcise the ghost, but who can wipe the lifetime?

Every living moment is shrouded by the memory of the dead.

For those who feel passion – every passion is exclusive.

It will always be all or nothing.

You may find this odd – unacceptable even.

But the sense of your longing incompletes my belonging.

Book List

Seems the latest epidemic on FB is the Top 10 Book List. As someone who made more friends in words by unmet people than in the real world of met people, I, for one, accept Books as my greatest influencers. Despite the quick lure, I swore to stay off this one because, a) If everyone's doing something, one has to not do it! :P and b) It just looked to gimmicky and advertise-y to me...

But then K had a different take, which was that these could actually be book reccos. And that got me thinking- why not take it a step further and turn it into an investigatory reflection on the books I have or have not like over the years. I recently wrote a post along similar lines, which was more in particular about one book - Sense of Ending by Julian Barnes – but maybe it could be taken a step ahead. Why not, I say! It does let me combine two of my deepest joys – lists and reflection! :P So, here goes my somewhat autobiographical book list. (I have tried to curb my enthusiasm to listing the 10 books / authors closest to my heart, so I have had to leave out quite a few - like Feynman who is an inspiration on what an ideal Life is… like 50 Shades of Grey is a lesson on what Love in non-fictional scenarios is not! :D)

1.       I spent most of my pre and early teens besotted with Holmes. So, I’d say I discovered my ideal man pretty early in life! :P That’s my personal connection; nothing need be said on the sheer genius of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!

2.       The college years were largely consumed by Erle Stanley Gardner’s Perry Mason series. Although I enjoyed every thrilling adventure with Mason and Della Street, I’d strongly recommend young readers to read something meatier. But yes, if you ever find yourself slacking on your reading, this is a definite pick-me-up! J

3.       I wouldn’t say the years were a complete waste – I did discover Roald Dahl. This man gives new meaning to the genre of intrigue. When the ordinary is unhinged, it opens dark, chilling corridors more terrifying than any ghost or spirit. It is a deep disturbance that makes one a lifelong student of human nature! Or perhaps it is the other way around. Why don’t you read and tell me? I strongly recommend Lamb to the Slaughter as a short read to see how you take to him.
In a related aside, it came as large and late surprise to me that Dahl wrote for children as well! The gamut of this man's writing is mind-boggling.

4.       Then there was J K Rowling with the Potter Series. I refuse to accept that HP is a ‘Children’s’ Book Series. Everyone deserves a bit of Magic irrespective of age! Leaving the teens and entering into ‘adulthood’ is always a somewhat tough phase. It is a time when we’re trying to figure out too many things all at once – friends, the future, and ourselves! Harry took me flying high above the muddled muggle world; and a little perspective always helps! ;)

5.       There was a time I suspected, I would only ever enjoy the fast and funny – you see, my staple for a while was Jeffrey Archer and P. G. Wodehouse. P. G. Wodehouse continues to be the best stress-buster ever; the man is clear, mellow sunshine!

6.       But Ayn Rand rescued me. I believe Ayn Rand was a sharp turning point in my personality development. I did not completely understand Atlas Shrugged the first time I read it. But then I found Anthem – and that was my key! It was also what shaped most of my value system at that impressionable age; and I think I never did get out of that mould of thinking. Accept complete and unforgiving responsibility of oneself – for better or for worse. One other faith that emerged from Ayn Rand’s work was also this: that a woman could write serious books and become an influencer beyond her own Age. Books that touched political ideologies, economics, and the deepest understanding of the self!

7.       The other woman who cast a deep and lasting impression on my mind was fictional – Scarlett O’Hara! The woman is Steel – everything she encounters only adds to her strength! Moreover, in a world where we are constantly encouraged towards humility, it is a wonderful change to see a heroine who is vain, haughty, and proud of it!
Years later, when I re-read Gone with the Wind, it did make me wonder if it was anything more than a love story with the benefit of a complex background. I do believe it is more than that. Who doesn’t love Rhett Butler? :P But if I were to recommend the book, it’d be for the vivid descriptions that transport one from bountiful Tara, to the war, to the ravaged land in its aftermath; and the woman who stood tall through it all.

8.       Hummm... now that I make this list, I am beginning to realise my favourites feature way too many women! Jane Austen. Having read P&P, I immediately launched on a mission to devour every word ever written by her! Wherever I go, I know she will always have a place on my shelf. Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (of course!), Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca (sigh!)… And most recently – Night and Day. Virginia Woolf sees and depicts the independent woman so much ahead of her time, yet so convincingly, that she stands true even today.

9.       If you enjoy some off-beat reading, Mark Haddon’s Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time is for you! Here’s an example – ‘…it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.’ Do you find yourself smiling wistfully when you read that? J
It’s been a while since I read this one – but the impression lingers. Which reminds me - it’s up for a revision!

10.   While most books / Authors influence what we read next, Jerome K Jerome influenced how and what I wrote! Oddly, while I’ve enjoyed his side-splitting novels – Three Men in a Boat and Three Men on a Bummel, the influencers are his slimmer works, like: Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, Told after Supper, etc.

11.   I have exhausted my list of 10, but I can’t help but add this if we’re talking recommendations! I insist that every child should be introduced to Tintin and Asterix as soon as possible! The world can always use some more ‘Pun’! :P

Restless Routine

Riverscapes

A river flows some little way out from my home. At least- I call it a river. After each dam that blocks her way has claimed a part of her for itself, she is little more than a trickle by the time she finds her path to freedom. Some have even taken to calling her a stream... or ‘Naalaah’. (But we meander… and we will go far afield if we do! :) )

It is to this river I often head when I’m seeking a quiet evening to myself. My usual trajectory takes me up one side of the river, across the bridge, and down the other bank. The river is always playing witness to a diaspora of human emotion and conversation. All along the bridge are faces as similar and as distinct as pebbles on the river bank.

Walking along, I catch snippets of conversation… glimpses of a familiar emotion on an unknown face. It is strange how we reveal a little bit of our deepest emotions to an unknown pedestrian, simply through the connection of being human. A couple seated on the stony steps- her head bowed; he seated next to her… ready to comfort her, yet giving her the space to recover her strength. I walk on in haste lest I intrude into a private moment; but the briefest picture reveals the entire story.

Groups of youngsters animatedly discuss the day’s events. It is quite entertaining how each of us imagines that all that we think, feel, experience is brand new and unique to us! It is- in a way. So when a 19 year old holds forth eloquently on her life plans and sees no possibility of them not working out, the confidence is only slightly amusing and a lot more inspiring. For that moment, a fresh energy surges through the mind cleaning the slate for some brand new drawings! For a moment one becomes 19 again, forgets the exhaustion and disappointments and smiles a real smile.

Looking away, my eyes rest briefly on a mother and daughter in earnest conversation. The words are few, the emotions many. The young age of the girl, the flowers in her hair, the shiny new Mangalsutra (Hindu equivalent of a wedding ring), and the expression on her mother’s face make for a poignant picture. Youth bubbled over to express itself; Age looked on with patience - recognizing similarities, noticing differences, and coming to terms with a growing, independent reality. Such a moment -what more could one ask for in one's pursuit of the picturesque on the banal landscape of routine.

And yet, the river flows on. She doesn't pause to eavesdrop. She doesn't whisper her own advice. She does not mock the futility of it all.  Somewhere along its banks lovers whisper… somewhere a debate flares… somewhere two friends enjoy a dialogue of perfect silence… and somewhere a lonely heart tells the universe its sorrows. Next time I visit my river, I shall listen closely- for I might hear an unexpected gurgle of mirth… I shall look closely, for I might just discern two recently shed tears joining the tide.